So Columbus FINALLY convinces someone to back his expedition
(it’s Spain btw)

This didn’t take so long because people thought the world was flat. No one thought that and Columbus didn’t invent the whole it being round thing either. Seriously who keeps perpetuating this rumor?
-The real problem was Columbus thought he could get to the east by going west, but he calculated that the Earth was smaller than it really was
• and also he didn’t know there were like, two continents in the way

Spain is all about his little trip, despite saying no the first time, and says he can have authority over/govern whatever he finds. Sweet deal!

1492 – Columbus arrives in Caribbean and actually finds things
-Spain is like WOAH haha just kidding we didn’t think you’d actually find anything. you’re not governing shit!

Columbus wants to establish trading because that was the whole point of his little outing
– Spain says that’s not how we do things, Chris
– Columbus is like wait, what
– Spain wants to set up colonies instead and make lots of mini-Spains! (Like real Spain but tiny)

Columbus’s second voyage to Caribbean, boats stocked with plants, livestock, settlers, etc. to set up settlements and “modern” society in the Caribbean
– He wants to keep looking for a place to trade with but Spain is kind of like yeah whatever let’s get this colony thing going

Spain wants to make sure their claim on this new land is ROCK SOLID.
-Portugal is also sailing all over the god damned place and they are getting kind of sassy about Spain’s new find
• why can’t anyone share?
• Portugal was only really into trading and the Caribbean had nothing to trade so I’m not sure why they gave two shits about the place anyway

They decide to ask the Pope what to do!
– He is pretty much the most powerful man in Europe right now so why not?

The Pope is very diplomatic about the whole thing. He takes a map of the Atlantic and draws a big line down it. Portugal stays on the east side and Spain stays on the west side and he BETTER NOT CATCH YOU ARGUING OR HE WILL TURN THIS GOD DAMNED CAR AROUND.
– Spain and Portugal are both pretty chill with this

Unfortunately the Pope didn’t really know what he was doing and accidentally put part of South America on Portugal’s side of the line.
– Pedro Alvarez Cabral finds it by mistake and Portugal is like oh, neat and that’s why people in Brazil speak Portuguese in present day

Meanwhile Columbus is just kind of fucking around and getting lost trying to find a western passage to the East Indes
– I think this is super hilarious. Chris please go home you are embarrassing everybody!

Spain is very excited about their new colonies because apparently conquering random places has been Spain’s bag of tricks for a long time and they are good at it.
– Begin establishing cities, Santa Domingo was the first one
– Plan to live in urban areas while extracting wealth from the countryside

The Spanish want to get super rich without doing any actual work, so they exploit the native population to do it for them
– except for the Caribs on the Lesser Antilles because they were cannibals and that scared the shit out of Spain.

“You know, Columbus didn’t have to worry about texting.” My professor is really riled up about all the cell phone activity in class.
“Yeah that’s why he got lost.” One student retorts. That’s a good point, if Columbus could text his besties for directions he might not have bumped into the Americas and pretended they were India like a colossal douche.

The Spanish are primarily interested in finding gold, because it is worth a lot but small and easy to transport.
– Unfortunately there isn’t much of this in the Caribbean, or really anything people in Europe would want. This is bad because without a commodity like this the Spanish settlements won’t be able to support themselves and become sort of a drain on Big Spain (as opposed to Mini Spains)
– They work the natives to death looking for it and doing other labor anyway and soon they are running out of people to kick around. Oops!!

Where can they find more people to subjugate?
– The Lesser Antilles are out because it is full of scary fuckin cannibals
– The Greater Antilles are kind of empty because all the natives there were killed working in shitty Spanish gold mines and building dumb Spanish houses
– …How about the main land? SEEMS REASONABLE.

These natives are actually not slaves, by the way! (haha, what?)

The Encomendero do not own people, but rather they own rights to their labor and production of wealth. In exchange for this they “protect” them and, I am so serious right now, “bring them Jesus”. The natives say they already have their own gods and don’t really need another one, but the Spanish are like OH, YOU and make with the Jesus-bringing.

There are three major groups that have a sort of claim over the natives
1. Encomendero: Fancy Spanish settlers who see the natives as tools to be exploited to increase their wealth
2. Spanish Government: Sees the natives as subjects over which they rule
3. The Church: Sees them as souls that need saving
– The Church is like NO SLAVES YOU GUYS so the Spanish are like “ugh, fine” and do that “rights to their labor” bullshit instead, because that is totally way better?
• People COULD be slaves if they were captured in conflict/war, but most of the natives they took over were peaceful and didn’t really see that shit coming

Okay mainland time! In 1519 Cuban governor authorizes Hernan Cortes to make an expedition into present day Mexico
– Cortes makes contact with the Aztecs and proceeds to completely ruin their shit
• This is great because the Aztecs were super rich with gold and stuff!!

Francisco Pizzarro then takes an expedition south into the Inca Empire
-He also conquers the hell out of them and Spain is like oh hell forget the Caribbean, South America is where the gold is at.

At this point the Caribbean becomes a bit backwater and irrelevant. Spain is fed up with it because it didn’t ever have any gold and colonies there were ridiculously hard to maintain
– No fancy, upstanding Spaniards stay there, just like tiny farmers and stuff
– But later there is sugar production which is a huge deal!
• Except not right now, it’s like super hard to do and the process is expensive

The Spanish have obtained all kinds of crazy wealth by beating the crap out of the Aztecs and the Incas, but now they need to get it back to Spain!
– Well gosh how do they do that?

There is only one way to leave the area due to the natural currents and that is through the Caribbean!
– that is kind of a problem! This makes them easy prey for PIRATES but not that kind of pirates, with the eyeliner. My professor says that is incredibly silly. I don’t think he liked that movie.
• This is a problem because the Caribbean is full of islands for pirates to hide behind and just wait for boats to mosey on past, and they WILL mosey past because that is the only way to get out. This makes for epic sea battles fit for the finest of cinemas, of course.

And then for the rest of class we discussed an article I forgot to read.

Day One – Columbus Gets All Up in the Caribbean’s Space
Day Two – Portugal Turns Sassing Spain Into A Fine Art

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